Hi friends,
Happy Thursday! It feels like it’s been awhile since I wrote all of you lovely people. It’s fall! The end of Daylight Savings Time took away both my children’s ability to sleep and a crucial hour of sunlight in the afternoon. It just feels needlessly cruel.
Yesterday we were listening to Hamilton, and Cyrus asked who Thomas Jefferson was and whether he was a good guy. This felt like a critical test case of my theory that origin stories matter. So we told him that Jefferson was the third president, a major author of the Declaration of Independence, and a really smart and important historical figure. And we told him that Jefferson owned enslaved people, abused them and had children with enslaved women who didn’t agree to have his children. We also told him that Jefferson spent a lot of time in France where abolitionism was a huge topic of conversation, so Jefferson knew that lots of people thought owning slaves was immoral. And he did it anyway. He basically said “ugh he owned slaves? That’s awful” and changed the subject. But now his foundational knowledge of Jefferson is as someone who owned and abused slaves. The nationalist mythology will be a little bit unsettled.
In other Cyrus-related news, we volunteered for a psychology test the other day. He and I watched Zoom videos and then discussed them. In the first video, a white cartoon character boy offered to share his Halloween candy with two other boys, but then gives the other white boy three pieces of candy and the Black boy one 1 piece of candy. His eyebrows raised as he watched it. “What did you think?” I asked him. “That’s racist!” he replied.
Anything else? “No. Just….really really racist.”
Good job, kid.
He also got vaccinated on Monday. He was nervous, but friends of his called him that morning to cheer him on and say that they weren’t feeling any side effects from their own shots. I was so proud of him, and proud of his little friend group for cheering each other on.
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In addition to writing my uncensored thoughts about parenting here, I’ve been trying to get pieces about parenting published as well. I’ve had a fair amount of success publishing non-parenting related pieces, but I am striking out on every piece related to parenting (so far, outlets as varied as the Huffington Post, the New York Times, Ms., the LA Times, DAME, and The Grade have rejected these pitches). Basically, the thesis for all of the pieces I’ve been pitching lately is “the media is covering the wrong types of parents - progressive parents exist too.” I pitched a piece about how moms deserve for the Reconciliation Bill to pass because the Great Resignation is really just a sign that there’s no affordable childcare left in this country. Nothing. I pitched a piece about how Fox News sucked for heckling Pete Buttigeg for taking parental leave, and how all society would benefit if every man started take parental leave. Nothing. I pitched a piece about how all of the parents I know are actually enthusiastic about vaccinating our kids, and the media should focus on those stories instead of exaggerating the number of vaccine hesitant parents. Nothing. I pitched a story about how there are no Black parents represented in stories about CRT, and I offered to interview some Black parents and teachers from Virginia about their perspective on race and education. Nothing. I was told the time was passed for people to care about that story.
Now, I would be more depressed about this and doubting my writing chops, but I keep getting feedback that my pitches are great. Editors write to me saying that the pitch is fantastic, but they aren’t the right outlet for it, and asking me to submit more mainstream pitches instead. So it’s not me - it’s my vision of parenting.
Why am I writing about this here, other than because no one else wants to publish this stuff and this is my newsletter and I’ll do what I want? Because there is a very specific narrative being articulated in the media of the white, conservative parents who are storming school boards and taking back their schools and organizing book burning parties. But those parents don’t speak for me, and if you’re reading this I’m pretty sure they don’t speak for you either. As parents, we need to figure out how to politicize our version of family values. This is what I’m going to be thinking about for the next few weeks - if you have any ideas, or things I should read, or people I should follow, send it my way.
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We’re half way through Epilogue Editing’s “Let’s Write November!” It’s really pretty amazing to write with 23 people from across the world. Keeping me on my toes. If you know anyone who’s looking for an editing or writing buddy, send them my way! You can also sign up for my new newsletter here, where I share occasional thoughts on writing.
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What we’re reading:
Cyrus is devouring the Witch Boy graphic novels right now. They’re about a society where boys can’t be witches, they can only be shape shifters, so the main character decides to rebel and become a witch. He loves it, and the pictures are gorgeous.
Alma and I just read Fry Bread, and had a lovely conversation about how foods can be special to different cultures. The illustrations and story are just so lovely - I hight recommend.
I just finished The Final Revival of Opal and Nev, which I really enjoyed reading. It’s the story of an interracial musical duo from the 1960s who break up after their Black drummer is beaten to death at one of their shows. Thirty years later, the drummer’s daughter sets out to interview everyone who was involved in the show. I liked the story telling of the book and the willingness of the author to roughen edges and complicate the personalities of the protagonists.
Now I’m between books. I tried to read Razorblade Tears, found it a little too much gratuitous violence for my liking (the title could have given that away), and then tried to re-read Rules of Civility, which used to be one of my favorite books but now feels too…structured and staid for me. Part of the reason is that I am still annoyed at Amor Towles (the author) for his boring interview about his favorite authors (he name drops 34 authors. 6 are women [George Eliot, Flannery O’Connor, Elizabeth Hardwick, Grace Paley, Ann Pratchett, Emily Dickinson] and a mere 3 are writers of color, all men, only one from the US [James Baldwin, Julio Cortázar, Gabriel García Márquez]).
That’s all for this week friends! To my shock, the next newsletter would be published on Thanksgiving, so I’ll probably write earlier in the week. xoxo
Little detail, Jefferson was the 3rd president.
For someone to better understand the complexity of Jefferson, reading his views on slavery and indigenous people is worth exploring. He definitely is a paradox - how can someone write "all men are created equal" and yet own slaves. I think he was blind to his own bigotry. When your kids are older, "Jefferson's Sons" is an excellent fictional narrative.